The beauty of electronic music is that you can do almost anything. Whole orchestras are but a button press away and sound as authentic as one could reasonably expect. Artists in the past had to content with budgets and time constraints preventing them from attaining their most far fling musical aspirations. Perhaps Kurt Cobain intended Bleach to be recorded with the London Symphony Orchestra providing grandiose string swells and booming kettle drum salvos to elevate his existing gritty garage rock sound to a higher plain of cultural and artistic achievement. Unfortunately however SubPop told him to get tae, and the album was released as is. Budgetary and time constraints may also have hindered Madness from turning ‘Our House’ into the core refrain of a epic opera of the same name, and they were forced to settle for a top ten chart single instead.

Today’s jobbing musicians in contract have it all at their fingers; no whim of their creative minds need be left unsatisfied. Like an obsequious butler, music making software bows down to the creative mind, serving it every aural dish imaginable. Gregorian chants? Of course sir! Tibetan monks traditional throat singing? Right this way sir!

So why have Metronomy released such a dull album of non-descript generic and faceless drivel? They have all the potential, it’s all right there! Have we grown too soft! Do you not remember the suffering of our musical forefathers?! Is this almost entirely mid-tempo, plodding effort all we can do? Could the drum beats not gel better with the melody? Could the vocals not have a bit of good old fashioned oomph? Remember oomph? Remember guys? That feeling, of, you know, vigour, vitality, enthusiasm? You know, that thing that was intangible, but was nonetheless what made us get up of our arses and enjoy ourselves?

It’s too late, they cant hear you. The Metronomy pillow has smothered them. You’re the only one who remembers….

[Theo Wheatley]

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