Twatspotting: George Osborne’s Grave Encounter With Irvine Welsh

“Choose us. Choose life. Choose mortgage payments; choose washing machines; choose cars; choose sitting oan a couch watching mind-numbing and spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fuckin junk food intae yir mooth. Choose rotting away, pishing and shiteing yersel in a home, a total fuckin embarrassment tae the selfish, fucked-up brats ye’ve produced. Choose life.”

When a Tory MP (especially one who, ironically, cannot price milk)  is the Chancellor of the Exchequer and tries to paraphrase a left-wing author such as Irvine Welsh’s Trainspotting, it is only laughable.

George Osborne made the cringe-worthy mistake of not quoting but re-arranging one of the most prolific and meaningful speeches in modern day literature in order to spur on the Conservative party.

One of the major points of his speeches was how he and the current Conservative government, if voted to stay in power, would cut the £3 billion a year welfare budget. He went on to say: “Choose jobs. Choose enterprise. Choose security. Choose prosperity. Choose investment. Choose fairness. Choose freedom. Choose David Cameron. Choose the Conservatives. Choose the future.”

To no surprise, the author of Trainspotting and other gripping, dirt riddled and anti-Thatcherite pieces such as ‘Filth’, ‘Marabou Stork Nightmare’ and ‘The Acid House’ took to social media to hit back at this moronic speech. Welsh wrote: “Would rather have Fred and Rose West quote my characters on child care than that cunt Osborne quote them on choice”. After the conflict, other tabloids such as Vice and The Telegraph have mimicked and interviewed Welsh on the shambles that spilt out of Osborne’s mouth.

Even as we get closer to the finish post of the 2015 General Election it may seem a minor slip up, it still highlights how out of touch the Conservative party are with the general public and the meaning of any literature which does not have Jeremy Paxman’s stamp of approval.

[Arron Cockell]

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