Film-Making 101: The Art of Making Your Own Porn

I’m a porn virgin. Well, I’ve accidentally seen Colin Farrell’s mid cunnilingus in his sex tape. And Pete Wentz’ pink cock when I was an emo kid, but who hasn’t? I’ve never fully watched porn, but I’ve made my own – and lots of it.

I know the right pose to hide your lumpy bits, the best kneeling position to make your clit stand out like a shiny red ruby, the most satisfying way to make your tits not look lopsided with sewn on raisins, and the most appealing pout that would even turn on a goldfish. I’ve videoed myself orgasm with a vibrator my ex-boyfriend’s mum bought me, I’ve masturbated on FaceTime and Skype; sent filthy photos abroad, from house parties, a night club and even wanked in my nan’s house. I’m totally addicted to it. Sexts are just empty words you can type even when you’re pooping, so what’s a better way to get someone to think intimately of you than the beautiful nakedness of the human body?

However, there have been tainted times. There’s the carelessness of youth by thinking you’re utterly in love with the bespectacled knob you shagged in a festival toilet. There’s the hickeys you’ve blamed on drinking games or simply the leopard print vibrating bullet under your bed – “I swear it’s for your pores, dad.” The art of porn is knowing who the best recipient of your unashamedly naked body is. There’s a difference between sending someone who you know is a bit of a fool who points out the stretch-marks on your thighs, or your other half who really gets off explosively on your cellulite.

Unfortunately, I have been duped before – I’ve been pressured into make videos thinking that I’d be liked and craved more only to have my most intimate possessions shared amongst ‘friendship’ groups. It makes me sick to my mouth thinking of how many men and women have been betrayed for someone else’s ecstasy. Take Jennifer Lawrence – beautiful, talented, sexually empowered, and yet her body has been splayed across worldwide mediums against her own will. Her body has been sold and tainted for strangers, by strangers. A situation in which Lawrence probably felt her sexiest, and most liberated has been shared amongst millions.

Because once you’ve crossed sexual boundaries with someone, there’s no going back. They’ve seen your hairy butt-cheeks, your nostrils flaring when you orgasm and that freaking weird nipple hair.

E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

And don’t think they haven’t, because they have. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Anything sex related is the best when you’re the most comfortable – whether it’s playing with brand new toys, having sex in new surroundings, or even filming a nerdy role play. If it goes wrong or you fart mid-ride, it’s fine – it’s hilarious. Your vagina can queef and your penis can have a fleshy snood that is foreskin, and that’s never going to change unless you take ridiculous and extreme measures. It’s best to embrace it with someone who embraces you as much as you endorse it.

Take me for example – I’m overweight for my height and age, and yet I get requests for naked photos every day. Sometimes I take them without being asked, and it’s a particularly satiating surprise. I’ve lost count of how many sexual partners I’ve had, but there’s nothing more pleasurable then peeling off your greying pyjamas in the bathroom mirror, in the early hours of the morning and making your nipples harden for someone else. It’s amazing and empowering. And it’s even better when you get something in return to help you play. You’re in complete control of yourself and you feel just as incredible as you look. You can play with poses and tongue positions, but your naked body is wholly yours and your recipient should adore it as much as you loved taking that picture. It becomes exciting to alter that laptop screen on the desk to film your best ride and relive the euphoria of orgasming as one being. Or even just sneaking a peek in the mirror as you’re bent over the bath.

Making your own porn is not just for the users of 4chan or the murky depths of the internet. It’s for celebrating your sexuality and your prowess as a sexual participant. It’s not just for the Beyoncé types or for Fall Out Boy’s success either, but for everyone. Experiment with positions and play around a bit, but double and triple check you’re sharing it with someone you’d like to see naked too, someone you actually like a lot, and someone you trust. Try videoing your thighs slapping together against each other and embrace the body that is unique to you. But just keep your phone away from your four year old cousin, or may the porn god help you.

[Jenny Taylia]

1 Comment

  1. I could write a really long thing to really express the love of what you’ve just expressed but instead all I’m going to say is…

    THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU!

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