Hello, late night movie lovers! Emma and Scott here. We will be taking you through the Oscars, the highs, the lows, John Travolta’s pronunciation, and accusations of racism regarding the nominations. Check back throughout the night for updates to this post, get comfy, and good luck for all your faves that will inevitably lose to Boyhood.

5:10 If you made it this far with us, you’re crazy. Go to bed. Don’t you have something to do tomorrow? What’s the matter with you. Awards for More Penis Than a Film About Sex go to Gone Girl, Film That Deserved More Recognition Than It Got to Selma (and also Boyhood??? What happened???), Sweetest Not Nominated Rom Com to Begin Again, Most Weed Consumed on Set to Inherent Vice, Best Character Development to Groot, Best Squeeing At His Own Award to Eddie Redmayne, and Best Garlic Bread to us. Goodnight everyone! Thanks for sticking with us, it’s been fun.

5:04: It’s happening. Sean Penn is here to present Best Film. It’s something beginning with a B… Birdman! The bookies were right, I was right, Boyhood probably should have got it? Maybe? Maybe we all just wanted to hear more drumming. “Two Mexicans in a row, that’s suspicious I guess” – Alejandro González Iñárritu is killing it at the speeches tonight, though he forgot to thank his wife.

5:01: This shit should have ended a minute ago, but we’re finally getting the pay off for the magic trick Octavia Spencer hasn’t wanted to be a part of all night.

4:57: And Julianne Moore wins. No surprises, only one category left and then we can ALL GO TO SLEEP thank the Academy. Gracious acknowledgement of her fellow nominees, and a nice celebration for her younger husband. ALS and Alzheimers brought to attention in the speech. It’s been an emotional night for speeches.

4:54: Best Actress now. Maybe it’s time for me to forgive Felicity Jones for her character in Like Crazy and get over the irrational dislike, but it’s still definitely Julianne Moore who’s going to win. Looking forward to Still Alice, but also gonna greet like babies.

4:50: Okey-Dokey Smokey. Redmayne takes it, and it is richly deserved. HE IS SO CUTE! His Oscar is dedicated to all battling to ALS and to the Hawking family. He thanks all the people he should thank with such gratitude.

4:48: Best Actor presented by Cate Blanchett. Is Kanye gonna show up and demand the award be given to David Oyelowo?

4:46: We’ve made it this far, but we’re finally arguing over who’s gonna win Best Actor. Redmayne or Keaton? It’s all to play for.

4:42: Birdman Wins! This is a surprise, though I’m loving it’s drumming as soundtrack to the stage. Are they set to clean up the rest of the night? Alejandro González Iñárritu makes a great speech, and is apparently wearing Michael Keaton’s tighty whiteys for good luck, but we’re kind of reeling from Richard Linklater’s 12 year commitment to Boyhood not getting it the nod.

4:41: Ben Afleck here to present Best Director, is one of three Batmen in the building.

4:35: Oprah presents Best Adapted Screenplay and we, among many others make the joke, You get an Oscar, you get an Oscar, you all get an Oscar! and The Imitation Game wins, quite rightly we think. Can’t tell if Graham Moore is more excited to get his Oscar or to meet Oprah, but his speech is touching and inspirational and he gets a standing O. The orchestra, now terrified of playing out anyone, have all gone for bathroom breaks.

4:33: As you may have guessed, we love a dog here, so appreciate one getting thanked. Is that a first?

4:31: Birdman gets Best Original Screenplay, pipping Grand Budapest. It’s a good year for quirkier films at the Oscars. Think they could technically also get Best Adaptation for the Raymond Carver they worked through it?

4:24: Grand Budapest rushes forward in race to 4 awards with Best Score. Props to Alexandre Desplat for multiple nominations in one category. The Imitation Game almost gets an Oscar.

4:19: We’ve missed a lot of Gaga’s performance, in part because of puppy videos and Meryl Streep selfies, but the verdict is “This is boring as fuck”. Now Julie Andrew is on stage though, and we’ve all got to respect the Queen of Genovia.

4:16 During a montage about The Sound of Music, Hannah has completely lost the plot at a cute puppy video. It’s bouncing about and she said through tears “it’s like popcorn chicken!!!” Lady Gaga is on now.

4:08: “This bridge was built on hope, elevated on compassion” – this acceptance speech is everything. The orchestra are going no where near it.

4:06: Adele Dazeem and Glom Gazing present Best Song, in the funniest presenter banter of the night. Glory wins for Selma, as it should. Selma should rally have been winning a lot more things tonight.

4:01: “I think we all know who the true winners are.” – our garlic bread is out the oven. We have mastered not burning things down.

3:59 Glory, a song about the racism in Selma, that references Ferguson, shoulda added a new verse about David Oyelowo’s Oscar snub. And Ava DuVernay, a black woman, also not nominated for Best Director for Selma. What gives?

3:52: Citizenfour wins Best Documentary and a cheer rises up around the West End of Glasgow for our rector, or it might if it weren’t 4am. NPH ponders as to why the subject couldn’t attend the ceremony himself, but we’re sure it’s cause he’s too busy working for us.

3:50: NPH acknowledges the Jennifer Aniston and David Oyelowo snubs as they present Best Documentary together. Was it just so they could bitch behind the scenes they were joined up?

3:44: Whiplash takes Best Editing, which pulls it up to 3 wins and equal to Grand Budapest Hotel. Is Cumberbatch presenting an award because he’d not likely to win one? We loved Imitation Game, but it’s had such tough competition this year. Reference to chair throwing in the acceptance speech: we’re really glad that didn’t actually happen on the set of Whiplash.

3:41 The garlic bread is in the oven. If we stop updating, we forgot to take it out.

3:39 Someone roll a 5 or an 8 and bring back Robin Williams and all these folks.

3:28 Best dance-off goes to Chris Pratt and Lee Pace in Guardians of the Galaxy, right?

3:23 Oscar for Production Design goes to Grand Budapest Hotel. On a related note, totally got a C for Production Design in school.

3:14: If you listen closely you can hear a minor key version of Everything is Awesome as The Lego Movie wasn’t even given a nod in the Best Animated film category. Ridiculous. Hilarious and great movie. Still…*Baymax fist bump*

3:11: Big Hero 6 wins Best Animated film. The Rock as a presenter unites Scott’s three great loves: wrestling, live tweeting and films. The cast and crew are a rowdy, cheering bunch and the wives hug each other adorably in the audience. The orchestra seems to have regained some confidence and plays them off successfully for the first time all night.

3:07: Feast is adorable, says Scott, as it wins Best Animated Short. Emma is sad the award didn’t go to The Dam Keeper, because the hot banjo player from Phox was involved in the soundtrack. If the hot banjo player from Phox is reading this, hi.

3:04: Visual Effects goes to Interstellar. Much like our pals over at Empire Magazine, we would have liked to see it go to Guardians of the Galaxy, for we are all Groot. Always appreciate someone who just wants to trade their Oscar for some free booze though.

2:58: We’re down one viewer as Caitlin is off to bed. You’d be forgiven for thinking we sent Patricia Arquette along to the Oscars after a particularly feminist qmunicate meeting. We love her lots. Takes some amount of guts to take on Meryl Streep and win. We still love you too, Meryl. And you, Emma. Aw God that was a good category.

2:53: It’s Best Supporting Actress time, and although they’re all great performances, we’re so rooting for Patricia Arquette. And she wins! Obvious because it was so deserved. She thanks her Boyhood family, who after 12 years working on a film really must feel that way. Still blown away by everything about that film. GO EQUAL RIGHTS FOR WOMEN! This Oscars is shaping up to be a place for female stars to speak out, and you’ve gotta love that.

2:50: American Sniper gets its first Oscar of the evening for sound editing. The skill was them trying to edit the sound of racism out of the movie.

2:48: Whiplash wins for Best Sound Mixing. The orchestra doesn’t start to play them off, whether for fear that they will mention dead family members and make them all feel guilty for the third time in a row, or that JK Simmons will leap from his seat to ask if they are dragging or rushing, we’ll never know.

2:44: Enjoying this Birdman/Whiplash crossover joke more than all the other oscar skits so far. Also makes a good point about the fact they basically had the same soundtrack. Is this how they tell us Miles Teller was moonlighting as a Broadway drummer?

2:37: Tim McGraw is getting a bollocking backstage in a few mins from JK Simmons over his poor hat game.

2:31am: NPH: “Takes a lot of balls to wear a dress like that”, beats us to the best pom pom joke of the night. Love a pom pom.

2:29am: Best Documentary Short goes to Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1. The orchestra starts up but is silenced by the actual serious subject matter of suicide, and how we should talk about it more. Films raising awareness for mental health support get all our support.

2:26: Matt Kirby and James Lucas win for Best Live Action short film. They are also played off, but are thanking volunteers and their mums, so the Oscars should really feel bad about it. Our official stance is that whichever one of them it was that spoke had a lovely accent. Whether he gets our award for that later in the night remains to be seen.

2:21: Nice to see The Lonely Island appear on the Oscars. A bit more tasteful than their performance of I’m On a Boat, nominated in 1997 for Titanic.

2:14: Scott is out-voted in regards to Eddie Redmayne’s prettiness. [qmunicate]‘s official stance is that he is ‘so pretty’.

2:11: Ida wins best foreign language film. Pawel Pawlikowski’s speech is amazing. He thanks his children who are still alive, and all his drunk Polish friends and will not be deterred by the music that starts to play him off not once, but twice. This kind of excitement is what makes an Oscars speech in my book. First Oscar for Poland as well, which is pretty cool.

2:01am: We all laughed far too much at NPH’s With Her Spoon joke. It’s way past bed time over here.

1:58am: Grand Budapest wins best costume design, which we totally called, even if we didn’t tell you about  it first. Milena Canonero is collecting her fourth Oscar tonight, which shows how under appreciated costume designers are that we had no idea. It also wins best make up and hairstyling. We should get used to hearing its name called tonight. Both speeches are very grateful to director Wes Anderson, king of the indie movie.

1:52am: Begin Again up for best song with Maroon 5 is a good shout but only highlights how it isn’t nominated for anything else. Hella underrated.

1:44am: JK Simmons wins for Whiplash after looking slightly sheepish at a clip of his character slapping Miles Teller. No surprises here really, although I kind of wish he was still wearing his hat to make the acceptance speech. He very cutely requests we all call our Moms and Dads, though we all agree our parents would be pretty annoyed if we tried that right now. Wonder if his acceptance speech would have been so cute if he did it in character, or he’d have just beaten NPH up for rushing or dragging in the opening number. We’re 1 for 1 in our predictions.

1:30am: It’s happening! Neil Patrick Harris is doing what he does best and singing, but first he’s celebrating Hollywood’s best and whitest – sorry, brightest – and it’s funny in the way that things are funny because they’re true. (We’re just really bitter about David Oyelowo not being nominated)

1:17am: Scott would like to give Best Parents award to his mum and dad for having a hefty Sky subscription which is letting us watch this with crystal clear quality, unlike last year when my perception of the screen matched John Travolta’s grasp of Idina Menzel’s name.

1:03am: As the red carpet coverage comes into its final half hour, we take a moment out of our coverage to tell you what we’re wearing tonight. Caitlin is here with her bottle of Innis and Gunn, wearing Primark pyjama bottoms and her Granddad’s jumper. Scott is reppin’ all Burton tonight, Emma is all over the British high street from M&S to Forever 21, with yesterday’s braids still in her hair, but Hannah Burke wins best dressed in her Adventure Time leggings. You heard us right. Adventure Time Leggings. We’re all so hot right now.

12:50am: Hannah and Scott are discovering nationalities of actors and actresses. Hugh Jackman is Australian??? Rosamund Pike is English??? Meanwhile, Miles Teller is on the red carpet somehow not sweaty and exhausted. Emma and I are still sweaty and exhausted from Whiplash. The only real sadomasochistic movie of 2015.

12:31am: First up, our predictions. Who we want to win, who we think probably will win.

Best Picture Nominations:

Scott wants Selma to win but thinks Boyhood will win. A late in the day change from the boy who’s seen Boyhood five times.

Emma thinks the bookies are usually right with the Best Picture category and Birdman will win, but wants Selma to win for being the only nominated movie to make her weep.

Best Actor:

Scott and Emma both think Eddie Redmayne is going to win, Scott thinks he deserves it, but Em is hoping for Michael Keaton.

Best Actress:

It seems pretty clear to both Scott and Emma that Julianne Moore is going to win, even though Still Alice isn’t out in the UK yet so we can’t back it up. Scott thinks Rosamund Pike deserves it for her turn in Gone GirlEmma remains unconvinced.

Best Supporting Actor:

HAS to go to J.K Simmons, right? Emma and Scott agree (and they love the hat), the Sky TV commentators agree, and the Oscar voters have to agree.

Best Supporting Actress:

According to Scott, surely it should be Patricia Arquette? Although Emma would really love to see an Emma Stone acceptance speech. We both think Arquette will win.

Best Director:

Richard Linklater should be a shoe-in for this, according to both our live bloggers. Maybe Alejandro G. Iñárritu will sweep in and take it, but Birdman is more likely to get cinematography.

[Emma Ainley-Walker & Scott Wilson]

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