Top 5: Cheesefest Films

 

It’s time to confess. We all have, at least once in our lives, said no to a night out to watch the rerun of Mean Girls. Whether you love to hate them or hate to love them, some cheesy films are cult classics you need to watch at least once in your life. Here are five among the best/worst you really can’t miss.

Predator (1987); dir. John McTiernan; action/sci-fi

Aliens, big guns, a pumped Schwarzenegger and a thin plot. In a jungle. A veritable manly film, that doesn’t waste time in character development. Not only did it lead to two sequels, but also to crossovers that brought together Aliens and Predators. But most importantly, it blessed us with lines such as, “You are bleeding, man. You’re hit.” “I ain’t got time to bleed.”

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996); dir. Robert Rodriguez; crime/horror

Everyone is pretty fed up with vampire films and TV shows ever since Twilight came out. But vampires have not always been sparkly and utterly boring. Some of them hang out at the “Titty Twister” and are very likely to explode when exposed to sunlight and holy water. And the unlucky humans who encounter these vampires can only cock their guns at them… One more literally than the  others… Because he has a penis gun.

When Harry Met Sally (1989); dir. Rob Reiner; rom-com

Romantic comedies are unbelievably cheesy and, some may say, unbelievably painful to watch. I am part of that minority of people who have been diagnosed with romantic comedy intolerance. The symptoms include sickness, stomach fits and temporary resting bitch face. If you recognise yourself in this short description, do not fear. When Harry Met Sally could be your temporary cure. Cheesy enough, but actually funny, and romantic.

Titanic (1997); dir. James Cameron; drama/romance

At first I thought Titanic was too cheesy even for this list, but replacing it with any other drama or romance would have been a crime. It tries so hard to make the audience cry that it’s actually quite funny to watch at times. Featuring some of the cheesiest lines (“I’ll never let go, Jack”) and the cheesiest theme song of all time. Whether you want to cry at young DiCaprio’s death or laugh at your friends crying, Titanic will do. A glass of wine might enhance the experience. Or at least help you get through the film.

Krull (1983); dir. Peter Yates; fantasy/sci-fi

Definitely far more obscure than the other films on this list; at the time of its release, no one seemed to appreciate this gem. But, just like with Troll 2, people have suddenly realised the value of this masterpiece. Just take your classic fairy tale: a prince has to defeat monsters and enemies and save the woman he loves. Now add aliens and… other things. Did the director know what he was doing? Does it even matter?

 

[Ludovica Credendino]

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