A Short Pamphlet on the Decorum of Cookie-Eating

If there’s anything I find properly disgusting, it has to be people who nibble all the chocolate off their Mars Bar before swallowing the sticky filling in one mouthful. Talking of disgusting: people taking a bite of a four-bar Kit Kat without breaking them apart first! In the grand scheme of things, does this matter? Technically, no. But I would argue that we are pretty passionate about the way we eat certain things, and especially about what the best way to eat something is.

For example, we all know that eating Oreos properly means twisting, licking and dunking into milk. But how boring is that?! Dunking the whole thing in tea or coffee is way more satisfying. Or twisting the Oreo, eating the cookie without filling first and finishing with the cookie + filling, because that tastes best. This might just be about cookies, but I would argue that your favourite way of devouring Oreos shows more about yourself than you think. If you have a curious nature, you probably eat the inside first, after you’ve twisted the halves apart, and finish with two cookies. Additionally, we can easily spot your total irresponsibleness and carefree way of life when you eat the whole thing at once.

There are probably as many different ways to eat a Jaffa Cake. If you eat the jelly after you’ve nibbled around the edges of the chocolate and finish with the sponge part, you probably have no self-control. No one wants to eat the cake bit all by itself, right? Efficiency comes across when you put one on top of the other and eat them like a jelly and chocolate sandwich. Gets you through the pack twice as fast! If you want to give the impression that you’re going to achieve a lot in life, you should get a whole stack of Jaffa Cakes. Start off by eating the cake of all of them, followed by munching the chocolate bit while saving the jelly. You put this all together into a big ball and suck on this until it’s dissolved. YES.

Have you just wasted 10 minutes of your life reading about cookies? No. Sometimes all you need is a very insignificant article that helps you remember that the world isn’t such a bad place after all. We have Jaffa Cakes, Oreos, Kit Kats and Mars Bars, and we enjoy the freedom to eat them in whatever way we want (even if some of those ways are disgusting. Looking at you, Mars Bar nibblers).

[Aike Jansen]

Image: E! Online

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: