Top 5: Places We Shouldn’t Be Naked

In light of the opening of pop-up restaurant in London where customers are invited to dine naked(?!), qmunicate decided to list our top 5 places that we definitely should not be naked. Because who thought that chowing down with their bits out was a good idea?

The Gym: We all know that nobody looks good at the gym. We sweat, get red-faced and are generally a bit gross. And luckily, our clothes hide a lot of undesirable… things.  Now, we’re all for body positivity and loving ourselves, but seeing naked people jiggling while on the treadmill or the elliptical machine would make us avoid the gym even more than we already do.

The Library: Nothing contributes to the intensive study atmosphere of a library more than the sound of naked flesh slapping against a leather seat. Please, for the sake of our concentration, keep your clothes on. We don’t care what clothes you’re wearing while struggling over an essay at 2am, just as long as you’re wearing something.

Public Transport: Monday mornings are hard enough without accidently brushing up against someone’s genitals, and with how crowded rush hour trains and buses can get, it is pretty much guaranteed you’d end up squeezed up against something rather unpleasant.

A Club: It may be dark in there, but what you can’t see, you’d surely feel. You already come back from nights out vulnerable, ashamed and slightly sticky due to spilt drinks, so let’s not throw nakedness into the mix. It would also make any walk of shame a thousand times more awkward (and cold), and Glasgow isn’t ready for that. Thankfully.

Funerals: Unless, of course, the deceased was a nudist, and it was their dying wish was for all their closest families and friends to see each other’s bits and bobs… in which case, well, more power to them.  But lets not assume, shall we? Especially if it’s a distant Great Aunt that you only met once when you were five. You’re supposed to be mourning, not mooning.

[Jo Reid]





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