Last year, a Japanese beagle named Purin set the Guinness World Record for the most (foot)balls caught in one minute. It’s clear that she’s achieved far more in her short 9 years than any of you lowlifes, so let’s have a look at five more dogs who are essentially just Better Than You.
Another recent record-breaker, a bulldog called Otto nonchalantly skateboarded through 30 pairs of legs last year in Lima, Peru. The attempt was made even more impressive by the sheer speed he achieved on the board, his skilful balance-shifting to avoid the human legs, and the magnificent sight of his canine bollocks swinging serenely with the effort. I haven’t seen any of you losers skateboarding through 30 sets of human legs recently. For shame. Call your mother.
Uggie (2002-2015) was a Jack Russell Terrier famous for starring in the 2011 Oscar, BAFTA and Golden Globe winning film The Artist. He was a spokesdog (yes) for Nintendo and PETA (we’ll forgive him that). He also won the prestigious Palm Dog Award at the 2011 Cannes Film Festival, and after several inquiries were made, the British Academy was forced to announce that “Regretfully, we must advise that as he is not a human being and as his unique motivation as an actor was sausages, Uggie is not qualified to compete for the BAFTA in this category [Best Actor].” #BAFTASSoHuman
Jack is a better person than you, and he’s a dog. This one’s best explained by his owner. (Pics via @dog_rates on Twitter – the best follow you’ll ever make).
4. GREYFRIAR’S BOBBY
Bobby was a Skye Terrier in Edinburgh who was so dedicated to his master that after he died he sat by his grave for 14 friggin years. When was the last time you did something for 14 years? You’re probably only like 15 years old reading this pile of crap. Go back to watching Ben 10, idiot.
“Friendship is doing nothing special… and enjoying it!”
“Laugh at your problems – everybody else does!”
“May God Shine Down His Blessings On You Today!”
I can’t confirm that these are actual Snoopy quotations and not just Comic Sans text pasted on a picture of him by someone on Mumsnet, but either way, you can’t tell me that Snoopy isn’t the second coming.
[Ciaran McQueen – @_delareine]