You are guaranteed to live with all of them at some point in the next 4 years. We’re sorry.
Doritos in one hand, a bong in the other. Watching lectures online as they melt into a beanbag won’t help them pass their exams. Guaranteed an A2 in the art of rolling a joint and can tell their sativa from their indica in under 0.6 seconds.
The Philosophy Snob.
Camus. Nietzsche. Sartre. Heidegger. They know all their names. It doesn’t mean they’ve read them. But a bookshelf of hardbacks won’t help them get a job. Or any action, either.
You don’t know how their sleep schedule works, or if they even have one. You hear bumps in the night, and you find empty bowls everywhere. You are sure they are real, but sightings are rare.
The Model Student.
Their room is flawless. They are going to pester you about the kitchen, leaving passive-aggressive notes next to the bowl you used for breakfast only this morning. They have brought their own cleaning products. Their sandwiches and apple fit into her Tupperware like something out of a Wes Anderson film. They can’t have too many wall planners.
The Party Animal.
When they’re not dressed up ready to party and armed with a bottle of vodka, you’ll find them on campus in their yoga pants and Glasgow Uni hoodie – but twerking on the Viper dancefloor doesn’t count as a sport.
Can be found frequenting Glasgow’s favourite vegan haunts. Always has “a cause”. Changes their hair colour more frequently than their eco-friendly moon cup. Their parents don’t understand why it isn’t All Lives Matter.
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