Top 5… People It’s Okay To Punch

In the enveloping darkness of a Trump presidency and the ever-looming Brexit, the news recently offered us one small, hopeful chink of light – neo-nazi and “alt-right” leader Richard Spencer got punched in the face on live national television, twice. While debate raged on about whether it is or isn’t ok to punch Nazis, the internet got to work, making endless mashups using the sound of fist colliding with racist face in place of drum beats, power chords and bass drops. While violence is never the answer, sometimes you can’t deny the raw, cathartic playground joy of seeing a terrible human being getting royally decked. With that in mind, here’s our list of the top 5 people we’d like to take our anger out on.

(Disclaimer: we at qmunicate do not condone physical violence, but it doesn’t hurt to dream.)
1. Piers Morgan
I feel like this is a deeply uncontroversial one. The man is literal slime. I hope he steps on a plug every day for the rest of his life.
2. Micheal Gove
If you like Game of Thrones so much maybe you’ll enjoy experiencing some of the show’s characteristic violence, you thunderbirds puppet looking motherfucker.
3. People who walk slowly while taking up the entire pavement
This particularly applies to those on University Avenue. I like to think of myself as a reasonable person, but if you walk three abreast at a leisurely pace when I am already 5 minutes late for a seminar, you are driving me to violence and only have yourself to blame.
4. People who talk in the library
Listen. I get it. You’re not having a good time in the library. Nobody is having a good time in the library – heck, it’s the library. But please, when you are on a SILENT level, don’t stage-whisper for twenty minutes about what a mess you were in Hive last night. At the moment I am confining myself to passive-aggressive tutting, but one day I’ll be pushed too far, and on that day someone is getting thrown out a window.
5. People who write articles about what trends men find attractive
See also: men who tell women, completely unsolicitedly, about what they find attractive in a woman. Absolutely nobody on God’s Green Earth cares, least of all women, and if you don’t stop you’ll be taking a whack to the nuts from my “too masculine” Adidas trainers.
[Clare Patterson – @clarepttrsn]

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