qmunicuts – The Column That Has Its Cake and Eats It


A phallic shaped snow shower blasted into Plymouth during the recent bad weather, prompting some hilarity when shown on the BBC weather forecast. Mass confusion followed as women learned what seven inches really looked like.    

Latest Disney release Moana has had to be retitled in Italy, where the name is synonymous with a famous porn star. Moana Pozzi is a household name due to what must be an incredible number of video rental mix-ups. #careergoals

A new anti-aging muscle trainer designed to tighten the area around your mouth is proving popular in Japan, where it seems rhythmically bobbing your head up and down with an oblong object stuffed in your gob only generates innocent mental images. qmunicate must have a much more active imagination…    

Belgium is asking UNESCO to grant “Intangible Cultural Heritage” to its greatest innovation – beer culture. The country has put forward the art of a good swally due to its force as a great unifier. In this spirit, qmunicate would like to nominate the iconic whitey.

A man in Australia has handed in what he thought was a breast implant to police as evidence of a possible homicide, only to discover that it was in fact a jellyfish. That really beats the ol’ chicken fillet.

The Icelandic government have initiated a lawsuit against Iceland Foods over its name. If the government loses, they’ll be forced to rename the country “Farmfoods”.

A new selfie trend where you pose nude with just one finger to preserve your modesty has taken off online. Guys, if you only need one finger, we’re not interested.

Cameras placed to observe wildlife in America have discovered a previously unknown mating ritual, after a male human stripped off his clothes and ran around bollock naked on all fours. It seems he was a little confused about what “doggy style” means…

KFC in New Zealand are releasing a candle that smells like fried chicken, meaning one thing – one hungry fool’s gonna eat a candle.

A new study has found that women prefer a larger than average penis on a short term partner. The study also discovered that the sun rises in the East and that Piers Morgan is a cunt.

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