qmunicate Meets: Inanimate Objects We Found At Halls

qmunicate headed out to the streets this move in weekend. We met three important figureheads in Glasgow: their stories and insight are below.



qmunicate: Hello Stone Vagina, how are you?

Stone Vagina: First of all, my name is Helen. Everyone keeps calling me the Stone Vagina and I don’t know why but I find it very rude.

q: We are sorry Helen, how are you?

Helen: I am very stressed to be honest, I have had so many children and they are all starting at uni today so I have had to move them all in, it has been an absolute nightmare and I am sick of their shit. I can’t wait to go home and have some peace and quiet.

q: We are sorry to hear that, how do you feel about Freshers’ Week?

H:  I just can’t be bothered with it – I am sick of all these new children coming here and calling me ‘the stone vagina’ and involving me in their silly rituals. I have a name, I am an independent woman, I have a first-class degree in archaeology. I don’t appreciate it.

q: That’s a shame – we hope you enjoy our events though!

H: Thank you – I am really looking forward to Peppermint, I love Drag Race, I think drag is such an interesting exploration of the performative nature of femininity.

q: We hope you have a fantastic Freshers’ Week!

H: Thank you.


[Edward Paddington]


qmunicate: Hello Edward! How’s your freshers’ experience going?

Edward Paddington: Call me Ted. I’m just here to make new friends and have a good time, really.

q: Is this your first time in Glasgow?

EP: Yes it is! I’m very excited as I’m from London but this is the first time I’ve been here. It’s not as busy as London – less train stations – but it’s nice!

q: I see you have a QMU lanyard. Are you excited to visit us for the first time?

EP: Yes! I’m especially looking forward to the headphone disco. My favourite band is Bear’s Den, so I hope some of their tunes are played.

q: Thanks for chatting to us – we hope you enjoy your experience!


[Mr and Mrs Binns]


qmunicate: Hello! We’re from [qmunicate magazine]. Is everything okay? You look quite angry.

Mr and Mrs Binns: We look angry because we are. Our child has just moved into Murano and we don’t know what to do. We just feel like trash, really.

q: Oh no! We are sorry to hear that, but sure he will have a great time. Do you have any advice for your child or other students?

M&MB: Well, there are always positives and negatives. It may be a bit rubbish at first, but you will survive. We have both bin there and done that – it’s all going to be fine!

q: Thank you for your time!

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