What Your VK Says About You

Freshers’ Week is kicking off, and if you’re heading to the union to celebrate you’re more than likely to find yourself holding a VK in your hand. qmunicate have thought long and hard about the different kinds of VK on offer to enjoy responsibly, and here’s what we think your choice of flavour says about you as a person. It’s the most deeply insightful and philosophical way you can get to know someone throughout Freshers’ Week.

Drinking Blue VK at university is symbolic of a tragic adolescence spent drinking Blue WKD. I’d be surprised if anybody genuinely enjoyed the unbearably sweet faux-raspberry taste alone, never mind the peculiar bubble-gum aftertaste. The colour may be a desperate attempt to show people you’re fun, but we all know the taste means you’re not having a good time.  

Black Cherry VK is so disgusting I’ve yet to meet someone who has ordered this unless it’s the only one left, but anyone who orders it in accordance with their own free will is undoubtedly a Tory. The only time I’ve ever had it was when I was too drunk to know better and accompanied by a relative of Boris Johnson, so the Tory parallel isn’t slander; it’s the cold, hard truth.

Orange and Passionfruit VK is perfectly pleasant and, in all honesty, too agreeable to make any sweeping statements about. The natural inference here is that Orange VK is just a bit basic. Nothing wrong with it, per se, but you can afford to step out your comfort zone and be more adventurous, it is Freshers’ Week after all.  

Tropical VK is basically the same as orange, but with more pineapple. Depending on your level of intoxication, the Tropical VK can actually feel like it has too much pineapple. No offence to the fruit, but it feels like it’s trying too hard to stand out. Tropical should be chill, yet it feels anything but. If this is your VK I think you need to value yourself more.  

Strawberry and Lime VK thinks it’s a cider. If it’s your VK of choice why aren’t you just drinking cider? Who are you trying to kid? It is okay to just have a cider, pal. But it’s Freshers’ Week so you feel like you need to have one, and fair enough, it’s probably one of the best choices you’ll make during the week, so congratulations on this small victory. You’re settling in just fine.

Apple and Mango is the superior flavour VK. It’s exotic enough that it can rival other drinks, yet sweet and cheap enough that you still feel like a student. It’s also green, which is a fun colour and doesn’t feel like it’ll be as bad for your health as the dreaded electric blue. A win/win really.

Ice Storm VK isn’t even sold on campus, I’ve never seen it in real life. To be completely upfront, I’m suspicious that it even exists. If you drink this kind you’re likely the flaky friend no one sees much, you’re elusive and too busy out with people your friends have only vaguely heard of. You’re always out, but no one ever sees you. Which is a shame, really.  

[Stacey Anderson – @staceyanders0n]

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