A Letter to Myself Younger Self

Dear Jade,

I’m looking at you, Fresher. From my point in your future, I don’t think we could have imagined where we are now. Aside from the obvious personality, relationship, and mental health changes, we’ve been isolating for 10 days because of a global pandemic.

Yeah, you didn’t see that one coming.

I’m writing to let you know, however, that we’re in a better place now than we have been in years. We’re much happier and less stressed –  you, you little neurotic idiot, tracked every penny you spent in a notepad. You also despised alcohol, didn’t exercise, and you changed your degree because you were too scared of doing a year abroad.

Fourth year Jade — me — just spent £200 as a helper in Freshers’ Week: mostly on bev (which I’m not saying is a viable life strategy). I’m on a sports committee. I have a newfound love for two-hour-long walks. I’m on track for a first. And I’ve got an internship sorted for next summer in Boston.

If this were a T.V. sitcom, the character development from series one to four would be so unbelievable that the writers would be fired. It’s just not realistic.

But hey, I promise you, things change. Even if the result is a person you don’t think you’d ever become.

I can’t really give you any advice or ask you to do things differently. I couldn’t have told you to go out more – you’d hate it. I can’t tell you to relax— you’re anxious. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my first two years of Uni were spent depressed, refusing to go out, sweating over every penny I spent. I must come to terms with it. That was me. I can’t beat myself up asking you to do anything differently.

If I was to give you some advice – which really means reflecting on something I regret –  you should probably go to Croatia with your mates at the end of second year. You don’t need to work that badly. It would have been fun.

This letter is just to let you know that I’m happy. I’m so vibrantly, stupidly happy. In isolation, all I can dream about is having a pint with mates you haven’t met yet, and won’t, for a few years. I’m gagging for a 10k walk. Then more pints.

I know. Doesn’t sound like you, does it?

Rest easy Jade.

Catch you in the pandemic.

[Jade Aimers – she/her – @jadeaimers]

[Photo credits: John-Mark Smith]

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